Frame it up!
Don’t blindside the other person. Let them know that you want to talk to them about the subject, and ask for a time to discuss.
“Jane and I would like to talk to you about the progress on the project. Are you available this afternoon at 3 p.m. for about 20 minutes?”
Explain your point of view. Take responsibility for your perspective and stick to factual language to minimize any defensiveness. Here is how to explain your point of view so that you’re much more likely to be heard:
1) Describe the Behavior you have an issue with -“you didn’t get me the numbers on Friday”
2) How it Affects you/the project, such as “I felt frustrated because I couldn’t finish the report”
3) the Consequence, such as “so I couldn’t get the report to my boss by her deadline.”
4) Keep it simple – just the facts without a lot of story and background to confuse things
PAUSE – Sent your agenda aside, and get ready to listen!
Explore their perspective. If you pause, people will often tell you what they think. If not, ask them –
“What do you think?” or “What’s your view?”
Determine what’s next – together. If it was an oversight or misunderstanding, it may be easy to clear up. “Next time, I’d like you to give me advance notice it will be late, agreed?” If you have very different perceptions, you may have to compromise or even agree to disagree.
However it works out, you’ve communicated clearly and authentically, and are much more likely to resolve the conflict and understand each other.
For more on how to organize your thoughts, see my blog – “Three Tips to Organize What You Say in Difficult Conversations.”
